Roger, Am I Still Your Pollyanna?

The movie by Disney "Pollyanna" came out in 1960.  I was ten.  Pollyanna was the girl I wanted to be - bringing the glad game and sunshine to the unhappy, discouraged and, yes, miserable people around me.  Here's a short clip of the movie to give you an idea of what Pollyanna was all about.

I was the fourth of five sisters.  I'm pretty sure my sisters didn't think of me as Pollyanna - nor did my parents, my teachers, friends -  let's face it, I didn't think of myself that way.  But I loved the idea of it all - spreading sunshine!

In 1966 I met my future husband, Roger.  Shortly after we began dating he started calling me his Pollyanna saying that I always found something to be glad about and that my smile spread sunshine where ever I went.  Someone finally saw me the way I wanted to be seen - I fell in love.

Over 47 years later, I can't help but wonder if Roger would still see me as his Pollyanna.  He died over 18 years ago.  Before and after his death there have been many times when spreading sunshine was the furthest thing from my mind. 

On December 3, 2013 our great-granddaughter Madelyn was born.  Sitting with my granddaughter during her labor and birth experience, inside I was broken hearted that her mother Tanya was not there (she died in 2008).  I smiled and tried to be like Pollyanna in this most sacred of all times.  But when I left the hospital and returned home the loss, grief, and sorrow settled in like a heavy fog.  I tried to find the sunshine but seemed unable to do so - until I realized I had to take a leap of faith.  No matter how painful it might be for me, I allowed myself to remember:  Roger calling my his Pollyanna, Tanya singing "Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God" in her beautiful voice, the qualities of kindness and unconditional love that they shared.  Then I began to smile and cry at the same time.  And with a leap of faith, I searched for that girl who wanted to be like Pollyanna and that teen ager who fell in love with a young man who said she was Pollyanna... and I found her.  In this 63 year old retired baby boomer, I found her.  I still want to spread sunshine and play the Glad Game, just like Pollyanna.   Ah, yes, taking a leap of faith can be hard.   Just remember: