I Choose To Be HAPPY!

A couple of days ago a friend, Valorie, sent me a text with pictures of my daughter Tanya from January 1989. The minute I saw them I began to cry.  Tanya was senior in high school.  Valorie had asked Tanya to sing at her wedding and the beautiful dress was specially made for that purpose.   We all lived in the Corbin/London, KY area.  Tanya wanted to attend Brigham Young University (in Provo, Utah) where she was born.  Valorie was getting married in the Salt Lake, Utah temple (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).  It was a perfect set of circumstances:  Tanya went to BYU and auditioned for a voice scholarship which she got; Valorie and Dusty went to the Temple and got married; and after it all - Tanya sang at Valorie's reception.  And Valorie's parents brought Tanya home with them!

- Janice Rae (me) with Tanya Rae at 6 weeks - Tanya Rae at 17 - Amber Rae at 22 - Madelyn Rae at 6 weeks -



 



Why am choosing to share this story right now?  The picture brought some closure to what has been a very emotional period of time for me.  Tanya was born August 9, 1971 in Provo, Utah.  She died on September 16, 2008 in Lexington, Kentucky.  Her daughter, Amber, was married in 2013 and gave birth to Madelyn on December 3, 2013.  Madelyn is Tanya's granddaughter . . . . and she was not here to celebrate with us.  While waiting for Amber to give birth to Madelyn I felt the intense loss that I had felt at the moment of Tanya's death.  It was almost a physical response that I can't even describe.  But as I looked at Amber holding her new baby, I was reminded that God is in charge!  Another leap of faith required..

Today a friend mentioned a neighbor who I realized had been a friend of Tanya's prior to her death.  I cried again - but the tears felt happy as I remembered Natalie, Kathy, Lisa and so many other remarkable women who helped her, loved her, took her to Louisville to the temple, took her out to eat and helped her do the things she couldn't do for herself: walk, eat, and so much more!  They gave her the opportunity to Choose To Be HAPPY!  And I look at Madelyn's smile, so much like her mother's, grandmother's and great grandmother's (that's me), I realize we have all given Madelyn Rae the gift of knowing that she, too, can Choose To Be HAPPY!





Men with white hair, court, a pick up line . . .

In early January 2014 I received a summons to appear in District Court because I had written a $25 check in 2010 (it wasn't long after my second husband TC died) to Lexington Clinic and I guess it bounced.  I can't begin to remember writing that check and actually laughed when I saw the summons.  I have been to Lexington clinic many times over the past four years and no one has ever said I had an outstanding check.  Although my memory can be vague, I know I have gotten at least one check  from them for an overpayment.  I tried to contact them but only one person, who was on vacation, handles these checks that go to the County Attorney's office.  I couldn't find my records from four years ago.  My first day of classes January 16th and there didn't seem to be enough time to get everything done.  So on January 15th I went to the county attorney's office and paid for the check along with the fine. Sometimes time is money - - -  Imagine my surprise when the clerk said that I still had to go to court the next day, Thursday January 16th at 1 p.m.  My classes are at 2 and 3:30 on Thursdays.  I canceled the 2:00 class assuming that I would be done in time to get to the 3:30 class.

MY DAY IN COURT . . .
1.  Forgot my phone
2.  Walked into the district court room - following behind the Channel 18 news cameras (uh-oh)
3.  The room was filled already with attorneys standing in line along one wall
4.  We were told there were 160 cases on the docket
5.  The judge had really WHITE HAIR

OH MY GOSH . . .
1.  I found a young, brown-haired attorney to see if I was at the right place:  "Yes"
2.  I asked him how things would proceed:  "First, the clients with attorneys; second, those in jail who were waiting to be arraigned, then everyone else."
3.  So I questioned how long this would last - would I be through by three:  "I hate to give you another bit of bad news but this is the slowest judge we have."  It's the WHITE HAIR, you know.

I LEFT TO GO HOME AND GET MY PHONE . . .
I called my "go to in a crisis friend" Sheryl - she sent an e-mail to my  students cancelling class
I called the UK College of Social Work and Lynn in the front office (she seems to know everything) said that she would post a message on the door

BACK IN COURT . . .
1.  Watching the monitor where those in jail were talking to the judge
2.  Courtroom still full
3.  Began to read a kindle book on my I-phone (a really new experience for me)
4.  Missed my name being called
5.  All of a sudden, at 3:45, the last of the people got in line to see the judge
6.  Spoke to the guard who said she had called my name and why didn't I come up then
7.  The WHITE HAIRED gentleman behind me said "she was doing something with that toy she has"  I think he meant the phone
8.  I went before the WHITE  HAIRED judge
9.  He said "are you telling me that you have been on the lam for almost four years" he looked quite serious as he said "Case dismissed"

DECIDED TO GO TO THE GYM
1.  Remembered the WHITE HAIRED MAN at the gym who tried to start a conversation with me using the following "pick up line": "You're the first person I have ever seen sweat more than I do!"
2.  Didn't need to go to they gym to be reminded that "I'm only as old as I ... look."
3.  Sitting on the couch, watching old, retired cops solve crimes, happily reminding myself that at least I am not a WHITE HAIRED lady - - - thanks to KRISTIN the best hairstylist ever !

PROOF THAT MY HAIR IS NOT WHITE . . .

AND SINCE THIS IS A "SELFIE" CLEARLY I AM ONLY AS YOUNG AS I FEEL . . .

AND AS I POST THIS PICTURE JUST LIKE A YOUNGSTER I FEEL VERY, VERY YOUNG.

A LEAP OF FAITH?

Just Look At The Sky - - - I Know I Can

I once heard a man speak about his experience as an art major in college.  He said things were going along just fine.  He and his fellow students created their first paintings for one of his classes.  He was good with that until the instructor said "Now we are going to critique the paintings."  When they came to his painting everyone just stared until someone said, "I think he did a good job on the sky."  Another student said "But the foreground is all messed up."  His immediate reaction was:  why don't you just look at the sky!  Words for me to live  by...

Honesty is important to me.  So I will admit there are many times I just want to close the blinds and bury myself under a blanket.  The last think I want to do is look at the sky and marvel at how it is ever changing and always awesome.  

A few of my many "sky" pictures



At Disney World, casually glanced
at the sky.  Wow!  I was with Jason,
 Kelsee, Haley (my son's family)
And this was just perfect.
 

Yes, I have those times that I get  discouraged, overwhelmed, feel inadequate, inferior, and all of those negative ways of thinking and feeling.  I am a counselor and I know the "tools" we all have to reframe my thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes I don't want to do any of those things! 

But if I remind myself to "Just look at the sky" I begin to see changes my feelings on that day. 

And I might think of this favorite quote:

Two men (or women) looked through the same prison bars.

One saw mud, the other saw stars 

And then in a very soft voice, say to myself: "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" and don't stop until I am able to honestly say "I know  I can!" (With lots of help from above- not the sky by Heavenly Father and Jesus.)

 

Awesome.

 

 





How much do I weigh? Who cares. It's just a number - - - not who I am!

No confusion, I'm on the left and Twiggy is on the right!



As a teen ager during the 60's I was tormented by the likes of Twiggy whose measurements were 31-22-32.  We will not discuss mine.  One of the boys at church used to tease me and call me fatty and as I look back I don't think he meant to be mean but I had probably talked about being so fat and he chose to remind me fairly often.  I think he actually had a crush on me but I can't imagine that since, let's face it, I was no Twiggy. 



Through the years I watched my weight change and my opinion of myself went down when the number on the scale went up.  I wanted to be invisible much of the time and thought covering as much as my body as possible would make certain that no attention was drawn to me and my size. 


Through the years - 1968,
1991, 1984, 1998

In December 1978 we lived in Kalamazoo Michigan.  Roger took us on a business trip to Puerto Rico.  We stayed for two weeks. I wore double knit long pants the entire time - even on the beach.
In 1995, the year Roger died, I started going to the gym and actually paying attention to what I ate . . . I lost 93 pounds and was looking good (although still not Twiggy-like).  During the next 15 or so years I gradually went up 50 pounds, lost some, gained some, lost some - but never got back to my highest weight.  During that time, however, I did many of the activities that I had missed out on in my younger days because I was "too fat" - hiking, dancing, swimming, etc. etc.  I discovered during those years that I had come to realize that my weight did not define me! 

So now, in 2014, I am still 30-35 pounds over my lowest weight in the mid 1990's.  But I am back in the gym, I am still smiling, I am still eating way too much junk . . . I am still me.  I am:  a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, twice widowed, a social worker, a friend, a teacher,  a mentor to new and not so new social workers.  I love reading, playing on the computer, doing genealogy, gathering old family stories, making picture books, spending time with friends and family and so much more. I am so much more than the number I see on the scales on the rare occasions I weigh myself - and that is just fine with me.

I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me.  This knowledge does define who I am.  This song, "Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God" expresses my feelings.  Please take three minutes and watch and listen...



Got bubbles? Then: JUST BREATHE

I retired from Hospice & Palliative Care the end of May 2013 after nine years of working in various counseling and social work capacities.  During that time I became known as the Social Worker who always had bubbles available and just might be kicked back in my chair blowing bubbles and breathing.  Yes, breathing.  Here's how I became that bubbly, breathing social worker - and it definitely required a leap of faith!

The patient was a 36 year old mother of two young sons.  She was nearing death.  I was at their house and decided they needed a grief counselor right then.  So I called Sheryl to inform her, with my supposed superior knowledge, that she needed to get to the house right away and counsel them.  She was asking appropriate questions regarding the situation and I was frustrated that she didn't seem to be hearing me when I said that they needed her Now!  I would not stop talking because I wanted to get my point across.  And then she said it..."JUST BREATHE!" and my immediate response was..."I don't need to breathe."  This required a leap of faith - really.  To suggest that I might need to slow down, begin to pay attention to my breathing without speaking was a new concept to me.  But it worked and we had a collaborative conversation (the goal all along).

A year and a half later I was working with Sheryl as a grief counselor.  I loved to tell my clients to breathe, especially in groups.  Children were responsive often wanting to stop group to take five deep breaths.  They would even go home and teach their families how to breathe.

Ahhhhh - just breathe!

Adults, on the other hand, were not so easy.  They often refused to practice deep or controlled breathing with me laughing or saying they already knew how to do that.  One of the tools I had used with children in many groups was blowing bubbles.  Let's face it, bubbles make us happy.  So I decided to give clients bubbles and suggest that we blow bubbles just for fun.  Acting surprised, I would say "Look at that - you are doing deep and controlled breathing - aren't bubbles wonderful."

And they were and still are!  Take a leap of faith - the next time you feel stressed, the kids or someone else is driving you crazy, or you just want to relax a little - blow bubbles.  And notice how you begin to calm down.  Get others to blow with you! 


I teach two Social Work classes at the University of Kentucky.  The attached video is from "The Levity Project".   Brenda, also an instructor, shared this with me.  And now the day I teach my social work students to breathe - I bring bubbles and show this video.